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This is a friend's only journal, so if you want to read more about me, than add me as a friend and comment on this entry, I suppose.

I'll post a little blurb here for those who are interested.

  • I am gay.

  • I am introverted, though I've really been trying to change that over the past few years, but it's very difficult to change one's own nature.

  • I aspire to be a video game animator/3D-modeler.

  • I am not particularly happy with my college experience.

  • I'm a really kind person, and I care a lot about my friends even if I don't always show it.

  • I have a tendency to be a martyr when it comes to the happiness of my friends and those I love.

  • I can get really lonely sometimes because I don't have a job, so I have a lot of free time to just sit around and think.

  • I'm a romantic.

  • I'm a Taurus, an INFP (the Dreamer), my life path number is 5 (for those who care about numerology),

My first two weeks of SCAD have been super stressful. Doubts are creeping back in to my thoughts. I just need to plan better and pace things out more. Certainty in my career, education, and finances would help so much with my stress levels.
Art has always been my first and true love.

For a long time, I've thought I've wanted to be a video game developer. And while this hasn't exactly changed, I've also have had a love for special effects in films.

With video game development, I've always been more interested in the 3D modeling aspect of the development cycle. Specifically, I've wanted to be apart in the creation of the game environment/world as opposed to character design. Though when it comes to 3D animation, I'm interested in a little bit of everything. I'll get into specifics about 3D animation that apply to both video games and film/television later. The interactive story telling compels me to play a game. Most of the game series that I'm a big fan of, I play primarily for the story (and the game play itself really helps [I love games with parkour]). Assassin's Creed, Prince of Persia (can I please get a sequel to 2008's game, Ubisoft?), The Legend of Zelda. I find that I love storytelling. It's why I read so much fiction instead of nonfiction (though I've been trying to branch out more). I love how the interactive component too. As an art form, it engages the audience so much more. The couple times I've gone to museums and art shows in NYC, it's the pieces and the installations that I can touch and interact with that stay with me the most. Whether or not video games are art i debatable. Some games most certainly are art. Okami, Windwaker, and pretty much any cell shaded game. Others most certainly are not art. I mostly think of Call of Duty when I think of games that aren't art. Though the same development processes occur with these as with games that are art, so perhaps I just have a vendetta against certain games.

My interest for special effects for film started around later junior high or early high school. It sparked when I watched the special features on a Spider Man 2 dvd and a Japanese movie called Shinobi Heart Under Blade (basically Romeo and Juliet with ninjas, based on a book called The Kouga Ninja Files).Spider Man 2's introduced me to special effects using 3D models. I remember Shinobi having a lot of ridiculous camera rigs. That's something else I'd like to be a part of.

Since taking my 3D animation class, I've been leaning more towards film. When modeling for film for film, the standard for a polygon mesh is to have 4 sides and no more with minimal use of triangles, and video game prefer triangles because they are quick and have to render in real time. (If you don't know that that means: In a 3D model the entire thing is made up out of polygons, so if an object is circular, it is really just a straight sides that are made to look circular.) With this, I feel that video games are limited with how much detail can go into a model, though it's getting better especially with the release of the next gen consoles.With this greater detail, more realistic animations can be made, and this brings me to something I love about films.

The blending of both shot footage and completely computer generated elements is something I adore. Sometimes this involves a full 3D environment where much of the live action is shot in front of a green screen. A matte painting is similar, but there isn't a true 3D environment  rather it uses 2D objects to make a particular landscape that is needed for a shot. Think of them as layered paper cut outs or 3D collaging. To illustrate what I mean here is a few videos from the special effects department of game of thrones. (As if I'm not obsessed enough as is.)

This is a video of the old school way before computers. They're called Matte Paintings because they were actually paintings at one point in time. Skim through it, it's kind of long and really old.

This gif sums up what I want to do for film.

This has been in my saved drafts for a while.

Some PhotosCollapse )

Photo Dump Part 3Collapse )
So I really miss updating my life on this site. It's been a very long time. I've just been so distant from everything for the past year/year and a half. I think I might try to start using this site again, even though there's only one of my friends that still really uses live journal.

There have been a couple times where I tried to update, but I just wasn't feeling it at the time. Well, when I went to write this entry, this was in there as a saved draft:

 "I haven't had a real update in almost a year, but I feel like ranting.
  So I kind of had a crush on this guy in my Drawing 1 class. He kind of look"

I apologize for the sentence fragment at the end. It's really bothering me and I'm tempted to fix it, haha.

But anyway, I've missed it here. Well, I've missed a lot of things, actually. 
Which is your favorite classic Beatles’ song, and why?

Across the Universe. The imagery in this song is really beautiful, and the song puts me at ease. it also reminds me of New Mexico because the song was playing the first day on the hot air balloon field when I went back in October, and that has just stuck with me. That moment of happiness because I was home and this song playing was just perfect.

 I have posted in two months. Sorry. 

Where to start.

On Halloween, I went to the Sherman again for the Rocky Horror Picture show, which I'm obsessed with. I saw Barbara there, for those of you who go to NCC. That was interesting. Speaking of her, she asked me to audition for her movie. I kindly said I have no acting experience. On a semi-random note, I had always wished I had taken acting in high school.Since I'm so shy, I'm sure it would helped me come out of my shell.

I've been playing a lot of Minecraft lately. It's a really addicting indie game. It's inspirational for me as a aspiring game designer. It's earned the creator of the game millions of dollars. I hope to have an indie hit in the future hopefully through Steam. I think that would look impressive on a resume when applying for a job at Ubisoft.

This semester wasn't that great other than meeting my friend Kelsey and the lulz I had with her and Amy. I'm completely lost with the whole programming thing. I absolutely don't get pointers. I would try to explain it to you non-programmers, but I don't even understand it to try and explain it. One thing that differentiates C++ from other programing languages like Java or JavaScript is that it's variables have memory location, which is where a variable is stored in memory. It's not like C:\users\Joe\My Documents. It believe it's a hexadecimal number, which means it has both letters and numbers in it. Pointers involve this and a whole bunch of other stuff. I don't get it, and it's a crucial part to computer science. Lately I've been doubting if I could even make it as a programmer once I graduate. Maybe I'm being to pessimistic. I definitely need more confidence in this, and maybe other parts of life. If I end up not being able to understand programming then I would have wasted my time at NCC.

I suppose that's it. I can't think of anything else that needs to go on here other than getting a job at Target, but I'm getting tired and I have work in the morning. Maybe I'll post an entry about that tomorrow.
Photo Dump Part 4Collapse )
Mr. Gordan  Freeman might work here. This was in the airport.
Photo Dump Part 2Collapse )
So I'm finally updating my LJ for my trip to New Mexico. I've decided to do it in 5 posts. 4 photo dumps containing 100 photos each, and then the actual entry detailing my trip with a few photos from these dumps and photos of what I bought there sprinkled through it.

Photo Dump Part 1Collapse )
Tomorrow, I start a weeks vacation to New Mexico, my home. It's been about 7 years since I've been there. I'm kind of like Link from Ocarina of Time waking up from his 7 year stasis. I was a child when I was last there, 12 years old, and now I'm an adult returning, 19 years old.

"My country lay within a vast desert. When the sun rose into the sky, a burning wind punished my lands, searing the world. And when the moon climbed into the dark of night, a frigid gale pierced our homes. No matter when it came, the wind carried the same thing... Death. But the winds that blew across the green fields of Hyrule brought something other than suffering and ruin. I coveted that wind, I suppose." - Gannondorf from the Wind waker

i'm not a dork for comparing my vacation to Ocarina of Time. Nope, not at all.
Which one food would you choose to ban from existence, and why?

Beef. End of story. No explanation needed.
 Where to begin.

I haven't felt like myself for sometime. I did some really stupid things over the last 2 weeks or so. I regret it so much. Things could have been so much different if I hadn't let my emotions and fears rule me.

My parent's disapproval of my aspirations to be a video game developer have really affected me more than I thought it would, and more than I should let it. It's caused so much negativity in me. Honestly, it has me doubt if I'll ever be able to achieve my dreams. I'm really not happy with college right now. I don't want to be a computer science major. I really don't. I'm not big on programming, and it doesn't help that I can barely understand my professor. I want to major in communication design/animation. Really it varies what it is called a different colleges. At the start of college I wanted to take all of the classes that were required by that major, but I was unable to because my parents only wanted me to go the Monroe campus. I really don't know if i'll be able to continue college after this year. My parents want me to get a 2 year degree from NCC. They're holding me back, they really are. This really has been the source of my negativity at the beginning of all of this, and I ended up taking it out on someone I really care about and love. It was wrong of me to do so. I've just felt so lost lately in life. I don't know what I'm doing, and I really could use a guide of some sort, and a support network of friends. I've compromised so much of that. I'm a mess, to be honest.

I've been so lonely since high school ended. During senior year I struggled with the thought that I would lose contact with so many of my friends, and ultimately drift apart. I keep way to much to myself. I still have a long way to go in learning how to be open with more than just a few people. I barely hang out with my friends, and I don't make new ones easily because I'm just so shy around people I don't know. I know throughout my life I have been prone to getting depressed, and I've been over-sensitive, taking jokes or what ever too seriously. I think I really need some help from a psychologist, I really do. I want to be happy again. I wish I would have realized that I need help sooner before I ended up really screwing up. Most of my pains and loneliness was coming from not having many friends, and not being close to a lot of people, and not from being single.I think I have too much free-time.

I was wrong.
What was the last great party you attended?
Wow, way to put insult to injury, LJ.
Rodrigo y Gabriela. Fucking yes <3333333333333 There music is so beautiful. The drumming you hear in their songs is actually them drumming on their guitars.

And a picture of them:

Rodrigo y Gabriela

I couldn't find this track on Playlist.com so I'm putting up the youtube video of it.

Oogie Boogie's Song:

That trailer looked way to cinematic for Wii. Soma Cruz better end up being in it. He's my favorite character from Castlevania. Some heads will be rolling if he's not in it. I'll find out tomorrow as it comes out then.

When if I get this, if Soma Cruz isn't it, I'll be using either Aeon or Alucard. They all have white hair... kind of weird.


I'm pretty sure that Soma Cruz isn't in it. T-T I also downloaded the music from the first half of the trailer. :D

The Review:


This song makes me instantly orgasm. I have the need to rave to this song and at the moment I have 13 pieces of rave from Vicki's birthday's party.